BGlanders

K'thardin followed the trail of Cadbury Eggs down the hallway. As he walked, he picked up the sugary treats and ate them. He didn't know who had left the trail, and he didn't much care... at least, until he saw whose bedroom door the eggs led to.

"Come on in, Cyraqs," a familiar female voice said from behind the door, "I know it's you."

K'thardin slowly opened the door and saw Tsunami, wearing an adorable set of bunny ears and... um, not much else.

"See what the Great Cabbit brings you if you're good?" said Tsunami,smiling.

K'thardin was drooling too much to be able to give a proper answer, so he simply entered the room and closed the door behind him...

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"Hello!" a male voice pierced K'thardin's consciousness, "I said, 'WAKE UP'!" This was emphasized with a sharp kick into K'thardin's side.

K'thardin sat up and glared at Seion Makibi, the one who had so rudely awakened him and stopped his dream. "How dare you?!" K'thardin shouted, a fireball already forming at his fingertips.

"You'll have to do better than that!" Seion laughed, leaping into the air. Before K'thardin could figure out where he had disappeared to, he felt someone's foot slam into the back of his head.

Without bothering to get his face out of its new position in the dirt, K'thardin grabbed Seion's ankle and tossed him into the air. Looking up, he saw Seion crash into a tree with such force that the trunk split in two. One half of the tree fell noisily to the ground, while the other half fell onto the Midorishu, which was parked nearby.

Seion's eyes widened in horror. "My ship! You've scratched my ship!"

"Aw, that's too bad," said K'thardin, grinning and forming energy swords in both hands.

Seion whipped out his Toratrident. "Now you're gonna get it!" the Torabushi shouted, charging at K'thardin.

Ah well, it was a nice patch of forest while it lasted.

Literary Eagle and AleeN came back from their morning walk to find most of the trees flattened.

Seeing War-Ouki sitting on a slightly burnt stump, AleeN asked, "What is it this time?"

"Seion and K'thardin are having their usual morning workout," the cabbit replied, "It's good to have plenty of exercise, uh-huh, yup."

"We'd better stop them," said Lost Magi, "They should save their energy for blowing up the lemon part of the newest bad fic."

"What bad fic are we in, anyway?" asked Lesell Charis, walking up to them, "We didn't bother to find that out when we landed last night."

"Yayoi and Honey are checking the map," said Lost Magi, "Until then, let's get the Triple-T to calm down..."

"Triple-T?" said Literary Eagle.

"Tetranian/Torabushi Tornado," said Lost Magi.

"Good idea!" said War-Ouki and Lesell, smiling.

Seion and K'thardin were so occupied with thrashing each other that they didn't see the cabbit and the priestess until it was too late. Seion got knocked upside the head by War-Ouki's Mighty Rubber Chicken of Insult and Humiliation, while Lesell simply tripped K'thardin with her foot, causing him to eat dirt for the second time that morning.

"Workout time's over, guys," said War-Ouki, "It's time to plan our attack strategy for the next bad lemon, uh-huh, yup."

As our heroes sat down for breakfast, Lesell gazed at each member of her team. Sure, they were all a little nuts (actually, some of them were VERY nuts), but they had been through a lot together. She had led them in destroying countless bad lemons. Now it was lemon-frying time once again. Absently petting her Metroid pokemon, Lesell asked Honey and Yayoi, "So, have you figured out which tasteless lemon we've landed in this time?"

"Oh no, this lemon has a taste," Yayoi growled, "It just tastes like bile rising in your throat, that's all! I ought to strap the author of this fic to 'The Table'!"

"Just tell us the name of the lemon," said Seion, rolling his eyes.

"It's called, 'Lemon That Isn't Lemon'," said Yayoi. Lesell noticed K'thardin turn slightly pale. "What is it?" she said to him.

"Nothing," K'thardin murmured.

"'Nothing'?" said Q, materializing in front of

K'thardin, "Cyraqs, I'm surprised at you. Aren't you going to share with your friends that we did an MSTing of this fic together?" K'thardin was about to tell Q to leave him alone, when a voice suddenly demanded, "Who the heck are you?". Turning his head, K'thardin saw that it was AleeN, and that he was staring directly at Q.

"Do you know this guy, Cyraqs?" asked Literary Eagle, who was also staringat Q.

"Y-You two can see me?" said Q, looking at AleeN and Literary Eagle inconfusion.

"We all can!" said Honey. The others nodded in agreement.

_How can this be?_, Q thought to himself, _I meant to make myself visible to Cyraqs and no one else!_

Meanwhile, K'thardin explained, "He's Q. He used to go to the same high school as me."

Regaining as much of his composure as he could, Q decided to just go with the flow and make it seem as if he had planned things this way. "That's right, Cyraqs!" he said, grinning at the others, "But you forgot to mention that I'm omnipotent! That means that I'm going to make destroying this lemon much more challenging for all of you! Just for the heck of it."

"What do you mean?" said Lesell, frowning.

"There are three lemon scenes in this story," said Q, "Cyraqs, why don't you tell your friends what they are?"

"Umm..." said K'thardin, rubbing the back of his head, "It's... it's kind of fuzzy..."

"Ah yes, that's because you were stoned during most of the fic," Q said gleefully, "Alright, I'll tell them: The first one is between Tenchi and Ayeka, the second is with Tenchi, Ayeka, and Sasami, and the final one is some other guy with Ryoko. I will not allow you to destroy this fic unless you manage to stop all three lemon scenes... at the same time."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute," said Lost Magi, "If we manage to stop the first lemon scene, wouldn't that automatically stop the others from happening? What you're suggesting doesn't make sense!"

"I'm omnipotent, it doesn't have to make sense!" Q exclaimed, "What I say goes, so there!"

Large sweatdrops hovered over everyone's heads.

"Cyraqs, AleeN, and Literary Eagle will stop the first scene... if they can," Q continued, his grin returning, "Lesell, Metroid, and Seion will handle the second scene, and Lost Magi and War-Ouki will stop the third one. As for Honey and Yayoi, they will stay with the Midorishu."

Before anyone could argue, Q began to transport everyone to their assigned times and places. Just before K'thardin disappeared, though, he telepathically said to Q, _Hmm, it seems to me that you can't make yourself invisible to the others anymore!_

_No, that's not it at all!_, Q replied quickly, _I just thought I'd try to make my little game more interesting!_

Once K'thardin was gone, Q said worriedly to himself, "What is happening tome?"

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At the first lemon scene:

Ayeka was about to fall onto Tenchi, and at the same time, the wind was blowing her shirt up...

Suddenly, Literary Eagle leapt in and covered Ayeka's exposed area with a bra. At the same time, AleeN, not wanting to take any chances, clunked Tenchi on the head with a giant flower pot.

"Hey, I didn't get to do anything!" K'thardin complained, "First the best dream I've had in a long time gets interrupted, then I get humiliated by Seion, Lesell, and Q... and now I didn't get to do anything to this fic! It's not fair! Why is the author of this AFC bio being so cruel?" As K'thardin glanced at Ayeka, a thought suddenly occurred to him, and he said to Literary Eagle, "Wait a minute, whose bra is that?"

Literary Eagle turned bright red and brought out her mallet, and K'thardin realized that events were about to turn cruel for him again. "Why me?" he groaned.

Well, why not? ^_^

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At the second lemon scene:

Seion groaned when he saw that they were too late: Tenchi, Ayeka, and Sasami were already inside Funaho. "Q didn't give us enough time!" he exclaimed, "I'm gonna have Yayoi strap him to 'The Table' for this..."

Lesell, however, was not about to give up. "We're not beaten yet!" the priestess/pokemon trainer declared. "Metroid, I choose you!" she said, posing dramatically.

"Um, Lesell," said Seion, "Isn't Metroid the ONLY pokemon you have?"

"Uh... Never mind that!" said Lesell, "Just get in there and stop the lemon scene, Metroid!"

"Metroid!" the pokemon replied, breaking through one side of the tree and coming out the other. The tree collapsed, and with its demise came the end of the lemon scene.

Seion was about to let out a sigh of relief when he suddenly noticed some kind of mist rising out of the wreck of the tree. "What's that?" he asked.

"Uh-oh," said Lesell, "If I remember this fic correctly, I think it's an aphrodisiac! We'd better get out of here."

As Seion and Lesell left Funaho's clearing, Seion suddenly turned to Lesell and said, "Wait a minute, what about Metroid?"

"What about... oh no! RUN!!!" Lesell exclaimed. The priestess and the Torabushi ran for it, and a very excited (and amorous) pokemon followedthem.

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At the third lemon scene:

"I'm sorry, you can't go in there," Lost Magi said to Ryoko and her companion, "the penthouse is being sprayed for potato bugs."

Ryoko's companion didn't seem to believe it, which wasn't all that unexpected, seeing as he lived in that penthouse.

Lost Magi sighed. "Oh well... War-Ouki, time for plan K!" he said.

"The 'K' is for 'Kawaii Death'," said War-Ouki, leaping out of the shadows and producing one of his large guns, "And I am the most kawaii form of death there is, I am, I am..."

With that, War-Ouki totaled the entire building.

Unfortunately, he did that while he and Lost Magi were still inside.

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Q was somewhat disappointed. Lesell Charis and the rest of her team had stopped the lemon scenes more easily than he had thought they would.

Still, he decided, as he gazed at our heroes sitting inside the Midorishu, the whole thing had still provided some amusement. Lost Magi and War-Ouki were covered in bits of broken plaster and other debris. Lesell and Seion were exhausted from forcing Metroid back into his pokeball. Meanwhile, AleeN was complaining that he had been stung by a bee that had been inside his flowerpot. Best of all was Cyraqs K'thardin, who had a large lump on his head and was sobbing, "Nobody likes me! WAAAAAAAAH!!!". Literary Eagle appeared very embarrassed and kept trying to apologize to him.

While all this was going on, Yayoi started the Midorishu's engines and lifted off. As Yayoi began to play the song "Rainbow Forces" over the ship's sound system, Honey took control of the weapons and fired down on the nasty fic below. Despite the loud music, the explosions could still be heard. Another bad lemon had been dealt with, but this time everyone except Honey and Yayoi were too tired to enjoy the victory. Q laughed.

(You won't find what happens next to be quite so funny, Q...) a strange voice said.

"Who are you?" said Q. Glancing at the others, Q was able to tell that he was the only one who could hear the voice.

(Ah, this is just so amusing,) the voice said, (Here you are, thinking that you have the perfect game going, turning fan fic authors into characters for this story... Didn't the thought ever cross your mind that YOU might also be a fan fic author, who had simply been changed into Q for this story?)

"That can't be true!" said Q.

(Oh, but it is!) the voice laughed, (And you know what? I think the next thing I need to make this game, MY game, more amusing is to take all of your powers away... to change you back into your plain, ordinary, un-omnipotent Real World form!)

"Nooooooo!" Q shouted. But it was too late.

Lesell and the others gasped in surprise when they saw Q begin to transform right before their eyes. Before long, Q had become a young man wearing sneakers, jeans, and an Ayeka T-shirt. On his shirt was a nametag that said "BGlanders".

"You can't leave me here like this!" BGlanders shouted. As the Midorishu encountered some turbulence, he tried to levitate, but ended up crashing to the floor.

"Welcome to the team," Literary Eagle giggled, giving BGlanders a friendly slap on the back.

"It's not fair! WAAAAAAAAH!!!" said BGlanders.

"YES!!!" K'thardin shouted happily, "Things are finally starting to go myway!"

Ah yes, paybacks can be a mother, can't they? Although I don't know how a lemon can NOT be a lemon. Especially that particular lemon.

At any rate, before long, the whole team could be heard happily singing "Rainbow Forces", even BGlanders, so none of those questions mattered anymore. Who says the endings to these AFC bios have to make sense? Not me. ^_^