Ms. Cool

Someplace far from the safety of the AFC Kingdom, an evil being who called himself Arrowyn chuckled. It wouldn't be long now, before he corrupted all the major kingdoms with bad lemon fics. It was a simple yet brilliant strategy: infecting the good lemons with the tastelessness of the typical bad Sasami lemon, thus strengthening the evil until it could spread to EVERY fan fic in existence. Still, Lesell Charis and the rest of her team of do-gooders were becoming a bigger problem all the time, what with the way they kept invading tasteless fics and destroying them. It was time to take action...

"Vegeta P! Vegeta Q!" Arrowyn called out, "Come forward!"

From the shadows emerged a very short but very powerful armor-clad individual who would look familiar to any DragonBall Z fan. He had dark spiky hair, a tail which he kept wrapped around his waist, a "scouter" over one of his nasty, glinting eyes... and a wicked smirk on his face that promised pain and lots of it. He was followed by a being who looked just like him, only with red hair.

Arrowyn smiled. He had created Vegeta P and Vegeta Q by bringing a manga panel to life, and now it was finally time to send the evil Saiyan warriors on their first mission. "As you know," Arrowyn began, "I have plans for Lesell Charis and her team, but I am not ready for them yet. They are getting too close, too soon... I want you to do whatever it takes to distract them for now, slow down their progress."

Vegeta P and Vegeta Q nodded, their smiles becoming even more wicked-looking than before.

"And I want you to bring my newest warrior along..." Arrowyn added, "Ms. Cool, I choose you!" he shouted, pulling out a pokeball and releasing a creature from it.

Vegeta P and Vegeta Q facefaulted. "A POKEMON?!" they sputtered at the same time, "You expect us to require help from a... pokemon?"

"Lesell Charis and her friends have overcome a ridiculous amount of obstacles in the past," Arrowyn cautioned, "It is best not to underestimate them. You will be better off with extra help. And it is best not to underestimate Ms. Cool, either."

Vegeta P frowned. The pokemon certainly didn't look very impressive: she was just a small cat wearing sunglasses. However, after checking her power level with the scouter over his eye, Vegeta P's eyebrows shot up and he looked at Ms. Cool with... well, maybe not respect, but at any rate he decided that the pokemon's help was nothing to sneeze at.

"Pleased to meet you," Ms. Cool purred, smirking at the two Vegetas, "Now, let's get started..." With that, she raised her hand. Purple lightning crackled from her fingertips, then shot straight up into the air.

"What was that for?" Vegeta Q asked suspiciously.

Ms. Cool grinned. "I just did something to bring down our opponents' spaceship. Come, let's go meet them, shall we?"

******************************************************************

Several moments earlier, aboard the spaceship Midorishu...

Yayoi Toreishi was piloting as usual, playing the song "Rainbow Forces" on the ship's sound system. Honey Kisaragi kept her company. In another part of the ship, the rest of our heroes were getting some well-deserved rest after destroying yet another bad lemon. Seion Makibi, Cyraqs K'thardin, Masami, MarvelBoy, and AleeN were watching TV, while their leader Lesell Charis fed her faithful pokemon, Metroid. Literary Eagle was going through a pile of unopened mail, handing the letters and packages to their intended recipients. As for War-Ouki, he was nowhere to be seen... but it was likely that he was resting as well.

"Any interesting mail, Lita?" AleeN asked Literary Eagle.

Lita opened a package. Two wooden, leaf-shaped pins that had been lacquered purple were inside. Reading the letter that came with the package, Lita exclaimed excitedly, "I've been accepted into the Royal Order of Princess Ayeka Advocates, and so has Masami! We are now ROPAA agents!" She handed one of the pins to Masami and gave him a high-five.

"Hey, that's great!" said MarvelBoy, "Congrats, you two!"

"Yeah, congrats," said K'thardin, grinning. He had been a ROPAA agent for a while, and he knew something about ROPAA membership that should provide some amusement... "So, what honor names were you two given?"

Masami looked at the letter and blushed. "My ROPAA honor name is... little_masa-ouki."

"Now why would you be given a name like that?" asked Seion.

"Didn't you read 'The Dark Juraian'?" asked Lesell. She poked Masami, causing him to fall over and turn into a cabbit wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket. "That's why." Lesell finished, nodding at the cabbit on the floor. Everyone laughed.

"What about yours, Lita?" asked K'thardin, his grin getting wider.

Lita looked at the letter and blushed even more than Masami had. "Er..." she then mumbled something inaudible.

"What was that?" asked K'thardin, still grinning, "Could you say it louder?"

Lita mumbled again. K'thardin grabbed the letter out of her hands and looked it over himself.

"HEY!" Lita shouted, trying to get the letter back. But it was too late.

K'thardin burst out laughing. "Your honor name is cuddly_little_snugglypoo!"

"CUDDLY_LITTLE_SNUGGLYPOO!!!" laughed everyone except Lita.

"Well, what about yours, Cyraqs?" Lita retorted, glaring at K'thardin, "Isn't it little_sugar_patootie?"

"LITTLE_SUGAR_PATOOTIE!!!" laughed everyone except K'thardin.

"It's not funny!" K'thardin shouted, causing everyone to laugh even harder.

The smiles were wiped off their faces a moment later, when a wave of purple lightning suddenly swept through the entire ship.

"What was that?!" AleeN exclaimed.

"Is anyone hurt?" asked Masami, who had changed back into human form.

"There doesn't seem to be any damage..." said Seion, looking around.

But Seion had spoken too soon. An alarm sounded, and Honey ran into the room. "Something's happened to the food replicators!" she shouted.

Our heroes rushed down to where the food replicators were kept. To their horror, the machines had somehow become locked on "lemon cream pie" mode, and were producing pastry after pastry, flooding the ship with them.

"Aw, crap!" said Seion, "Quick, we have to... mmf!" His words were cut off as he became buried in lemon cream pies.

"What a way to go..." Lita groaned, before the lemon cream pies buried her as well.

"I guess it is kinda ironic for a team dedicated to destroying bad lemons," MarvelBoy muttered as the pies overtook him.

The growing wave of lemon cream pies filled the engine shaft. Sparks flew, and the Midorishu dropped out of the sky, just missing a house and crashing into the ground beside it. The doors of the ship burst open, and lemon cream came pouring out. Several moments later, a few blobs of lemon cream got up and staggered away from the ship. One of the blobs shook itself, causing bits of cream to fly off and reveal that it was actually Lesell underneath. "Well, it could be worse," she sighed, "At least all this lemon cream softened the impact of the crash for us."

"Yeah, but my ship is a mess!" Seion exclaimed angrily, brushing himself off, "Whoever caused this is gonna pay!"

"I'm with Seion," Yayoi growled, raising her fist, "When I get my hands on whoever did this, I'll strap them to 'The Table'!!!"

Masami took a big step away from Yayoi. "Gee, I almost feel sorry for whoever did this," he said under his breath.

Meanwhile, MarvelBoy was approaching the house they had landed by. It was a small but comfortable looking home, with a few well-tended lemon trees in front. They were healthy-looking lemons, and would someday grow into good, tasteful lemon fics. That was a good sign. "Maybe whoever lives here can help us clean up the mess on the ship," he suggested. He knocked on the door, but it swung open at his touch. "It's unlocked," he said, surprised. He stepped inside. "Hello? Is anyone here?"

K'thardin shook the lemon cream off himself in time to see the others going into the house. His eyes widened when he realized where they had landed. "Hey, wait a minute!" he shouted, running after them.

Our heroes looked around the inside of the house. Unfortunately, it wasn't as neat-looking as the lemon trees outside. Crushed cans of Mountain Dew were everywhere, and a huge pile of hentai doujinshi had been torn up and scattered all around the room. "What a dump..." said Lita, "Who could live in these conditions?"

"Hey!" K'thardin shouted, having finally caught up with the others, "This is MY house!"

Lita sweatdropped.

"But it's normally much neater looking than this," said K'thardin, "I have an assistant who maintains this place when I'm not here. What could have happened to him?"

"All this mess..." said AleeN, "It looks like a struggle took place here!"

"Nav!" K'thardin called out, clearly worried, "Nav! Nav, are you here? Answer me!"

"Hey!" a small voice shouted. The source of the voice, a tiny blue ball of energy with wings, flew up to K'thardin.

K'thardin's eyes bulged and his jaw nearly dropped to the floor. "Nav?!" he exclaimed, "Is that you? Oh, what have they done to you, man?"

"Hey!" the little blue spark shouted, "Listen!"

Our heroes strained their ears, and finally noticed a faint chuckling coming from someplace in the room. "Watch out!" said Nav, flying towards the couch. Taking the hint, K'thardin aimed at the couch and fired an energy blast from his hand, turning the piece of furniture to smoke and ash. Everyone gasped as they saw two short, spiky-haired silhouettes slowly emerge from the smoke.

"You're in trouble," the first figure cackled.

"Make it double trouble," the second figure added.

"To bring the AFC to the brink of devastation!" said the first.

"To destroy all peoples in your pathetic nation!" said the second.

"To do all the evil things we love!"

"To spread bad lemons to the stars above!"

"Vegeta P!" said the first, stepping into the light.

"Vegeta Q!" said the second, also stepping into clear view.

"Team Vegeta, here to put out your light!" said Vegeta P.

"Don't surrender yet, because we like to fight!" said Vegeta Q.

"Meow! Yes, fight!" said a female Meowth wearing sunglasses, leaping in front of the two Saiyans.

"HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!" Our heroes laughed, dropping to the floor and laughing until tears came to their eyes.

"Watch out!" Nav shouted, catching their attention, "They used the same trick on me! They did a bad impression of Team Rocket to make me overconfident, and when I tried to fight them, that pokemon of theirs turned me into a fairy!"

"That's the silliest strategy I ever heard of..." said AleeN.

"Maybe so, but it worked!" the female pokemon laughed, purple lightning forming around her hands. "The name's Ms. Cool... but I'm not sure you'll be able to remember that after the Vegetas beat the crap outta ya! Get 'em, boys!"

"We don't take orders from you!" Vegeta P growled at her. He then looked back at our heroes and fired an energy blast at them. Everyone yelped and scurried out of the way. The blast missed them and tore a hole right through the wall.

"My wall!" K'thardin groaned, "Look fellas, can we at least take this fight outside?"

"Sure," Vegeta Q laughed, "We can beat you here or we can beat you outside, either is fine with us!" He and Vegeta P then fired several more blasts at the wall, making the hole even bigger. "Right this way, folks," they cackled, stepping through the opening.

"D'oh!" K'thardin grunted, "Me and my big mouth..."

The two Vegetas watched our heroes as they stepped through the hole one by one. They recognized the young anime priestess as Lesell Charis, the group's leader. The Vegetas' scouters didn't mark her power level as being very high, but they knew that she could call upon various anime deities to help her, as well as her Metroid pokemon. Masami and AleeN appeared next. They were more or less ordinary humans, and wouldn't be much trouble. MarvelBoy didn't appear to be much of a threat either, but he was supposed to have some sort of hidden super powers.

The young woman with long black hair and feather earrings was Literary Eagle, the semi-competent prophetess who would rather catch fish for a living. Her power level was pathetic, but Master Arrowyn had warned them that it became substantially higher if someone made the mistake of calling her "Lit" instead of "Lita", which for some weird reason made her so angry that she gained the ability to cast lightning spells. So long as they got her name right, she would be no trouble. Then there was Cyraqs K'thardin, the spiky-haired but tailless abomination. He and Seion Makibi, the Nano-tech cyborg, seemed to have the highest power levels of the group.

Yayoi Toreishi and Honey Kisaragi came out last. They ignored the Vegetas and ran towards the Midorishu. "We just noticed that War-Ouki never came out of the ship with us!" Yayoi shouted over her shoulder at her friends as an explanation, "Honey and I will go look for him!"

The rest of our heroes drew their weapons and faced the three evildoers. Nav flitted about anxiously.

"It's night already," AleeN said worriedly, "Awfully dark for an outdoor fight..."

"Don't worry," Lita said optimistically, "Look up there. We have the light of a nice and big full moon to see by. That should do just fine, right Cyraqs? Er... Cyraqs?" Lita turned in time to see K'thardin running away so quickly that he had nearly disappeared over the horizon in a matter of seconds. "What the-?" she turned to look forward again, and saw that Vegeta P and Vegeta Q now had fangs and fur, and they were growing bigger... and bigger... and BIGGER...

"Aw crap," Lita said in a small voice.

"Damn it!" said Seion, slapping himself on the forehead, "I forgot that Saiyans transform into huge apelike monsters during the full moon!"

Vegeta P and Vegeta Q, now towering over K'thardin's house, bared their fangs and roared so loudly that the windows of the house rattled.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" everyone screamed.

That was when Masami looked up at the sky, and realization suddenly spread across his face. "That's no moon," he said, "That's a space station..."

"Oh," both Vegetas said, clearly disappointed. They shrank back to normal size, and our heroes facefaulted.

"No matter," said Vegeta P, "We don't need to transform in order to beat the likes of you! Get them, Vegeta Q!"

Vegeta Q snarled and then charged at Seion, his fists flying. The taller cyborg casually held his hand out and kept the much shorter Saiyan at arm's length, preventing his fists from hitting anything but air.

"We've got to think of something..." said K'thardin, who had just returned.

"Nice of you to come back, Cyraqs," Lita growled, as K'thardin shrugged sheepishly.

As for Vegeta Q, he had given up on using his bare hands, and fired an energy blast at Seion's midsection, sending the taller man flying.

"I think we're in trouble," Masami observed.

Meanwhile, aboard the Midorishu, Honey and Yayoi waded through piles of lemon cream, calling out War-Ouki's name.

"Where could he be?" said Yayoi, "We really need his help right now!"

"I hope he's not hurt," said Honey.

They finally reached the engine room. To their surprise, most of the lemon cream had been cleared from this part of the ship. The only mess on the floor here was a pile of hentai doujinshi. One of the magazines was spread open on the floor, and sitting in front of it, drooling at the pictures, was War-Ouki.

"Ohhhh... Minagi! And Chocolate Misu... and Kiine-chan!" War-Ouki said upon seeing one of the pictures, "You gals can tie me up any time you want, uh-huh, yup..." The cabbit wasn't completely goofing off, though. One paw held a screwdriver and was making some repairs to the engine.

Still, Honey and Yayoi were not pleased. "Argh!" they screamed. The cute cabbit looked at hentai pictures when no one else was around?!

Honey brought her fists down onto War-Ouki's head, knocking him to the floor, and Yayoi angrily stepped on him.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" War-Ouki shouted, keeping his eyes closed as he writhed excitedly, "My dream must be coming true, uh-huh, yup..." He then opened his eyes and saw the two outraged women above him. "Er... I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"To put it into your words..." Yayoi began.

"...Uh-huh, yup," Honey finished angrily.

Several moments later, Honey and Yayoi, still steamed, shoved a somewhat bruised War-Ouki outside. "Imagine!" Yayoi growled indignantly, "Doing that sort of thing when your friends are in danger!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" said War-Ouki.

The battle was not going well. Lesell had been using Metroid to fight Ms. Cool, but it was obvious that Ms. Cool was the stronger pokemon. AleeN and Masami had managed to trip Vegita P, then tried to hold him down until MarvelBoy could fly there and hit him with an energy blast. But Vegita P quickly recovered and threw both of them into the air, where they crashed into MarvelBoy and then hit the ground.

K'thardin and Seion had teamed up to fight Vegita Q, and they were doing alright, but it was obvious that they couldn't keep it up forever. Lita summoned a mallet and tossed it in Vegeta Q's direction in an attempt to distract him, but her aim was off (possibly because she herself was too distracted... both K'thardin and Seion had gotten their shirts ripped off during the intense fighting). At any rate, Vegeta Q's scouter had picked up on the increase in Lita's power level as she had tapped into Hammerspace, and he casually batted the mallet back in her direction.

That was when Honey and Yayoi leapt into the fray, Honey yanking Lita out of the way before she got hit with her own mallet, and Yayoi tossing a Hummingbird Sisters CD in the path of one of Ms. Cool's blasts, before it could hit Nav. "Hey War-Ouki, whatever you're gonna do to help us, do it now!" Yayoi shouted, "And cream that pokemon, she ruined a perfectly good CD!"

War-Ouki pulled one of his large guns out of nowhere and fired it straight up into the air, to catch the attention of the three villains. "The name's War-Ouki," the cabbit announced, "They call me the Kawaii Death... but even the Kawaii Death knows when he needs help, uh-huh, yup." With that, the cabbit began to dance. "Fellow Cabbits of the Apocalypse, I summon thee!" he chanted three times.

Three cabbits materialized beside War-Ouki.

"Famine-Ouki here," said a thin cabbit with purple fur, "Call me Squally!" He grinned and struck a pose.

"Death-Ouki here!" said a cabbit that wore a skull over his head, striking a pose of his own. He held up his weapon, the Ronald Regan gun: It had the power of the 1984 Democratic Party.

"... And last, but not least, Pestilence-Ouki!" said a cabbit with fleas, also striking a pose. "Would you believe that I'm an ex-army medic? Heh heh."

"Together..." War-Ouki said dramatically, "We are the Four Cabbits of the Apocalypse!"

The four cabbits began to dance, and as they danced, a spooky red aura began to form around them...

The power readings on Vegeta P and Vegeta Q's scouters became so ridiculously high that both scouters exploded into a fantastic shower of multicolored sparks, adding to the cabbits' colorful display.

"Bah, we'll get you another time!" Vegeta P shouted. He and Vegeta Q then grabbed Ms. Cool and flew out of sight, raising cheers from our heroes... at least, until they realized that the cabbits hadn't stopped their dance.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Lesell exclaimed, turning pale, "You guys don't have to..."

Too late.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" everyone shouted as the whole world went red for a moment.

When normal color returned, everyone sighed in relief. They were all alive! Somewhat singed, but alive! And Nav? He was in his human form again, and dancing around happily. "The spell is broken!" he shouted triumphantly.

War-Ouki was standing alone, his cabbit friends having vanished to wherever they had come from.

K'thardin, smoke still rising from his hair and beard, grabbed the cabbit and whapped him on the head. "If not for the fact that your stupid blast broke the spell on Nav, I'd be giving you to Yayoi for target practice right now!" he growled.

Seion looked at the cabbit in K'thardin's grasp and said, "Hmm... you know, there's a law from our sacred gathering place, #TenchiFF, that explicitly states that War-Ouki is required to be brutally beaten by the people he offended, at least five times per session."

"Eep! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" War-Ouki exclaimed, "Anyway, I fixed the ship's engines, so let's just get back to our mission, okay? That's the most important thing, right? Right?" He laughed nervously.

"Yeah, we'd better get going," said Lesell, "Come on guys, we could all use some showers and a good night's sleep, too."

Everyone began shuffling back onto the Midorishu. K'thardin lingered behind for a moment, and looked at his assistant with concern. "You okay, Nav?" he asked. When Nav nodded, he added, "Great. See what you can do about all this, will ya?" he gestured at the hole in the side of the house, and the mess inside.

"Terrific," Nav muttered as K'thardin left to join the others on the Midorishu.

Several moments later, the ship lifted off, the song "Rainbow Forces" blaring on its loudspeakers as proudly as ever. What? You didn't think that Yayoi's only copy of the Hummingbird Sisters CD got destroyed, did you? Of course not! She had plenty of copies of that CD. Just as well, because our brave heroes had plenty more tasteless fics to deal with.

Nav looked up at the sky, and saw that the ship was already a dot in the distance. He could almost sense the threat of new bad lemons just over the horizon. Thank goodness for Lesell, K'thardin, and the rest of them, all fighting for the cause of good fics, good music, and wacky AFC bios. Nav smiled.