Historian's Note: This takes place after MAYHEM, where the _Midorishu_, the E-lemon-ators' normal ship was damaged. At this point, Arrowyn, the Lord of the Bad Lemon and enemy of the AFC Kingdom, has recently been involved in nefarious schemes. He has recently turned the Atomic Anime Kingdom into Anime World, where they price gouge worse than Disney. He had also sent Vegetas P and Q to attack K'thardin's friend Nav. He sent OddRyouga to lemonify the AFC KIngdom. Also Kitz's group has recently escaped the Sailor Moon lemon that Arrowyn's lackey, Justice Arcain, had trapped them in.

Somewhere, deep in the Web Wide Wasteland, hidden in the bowels of a dismal city unknown to the AFC, a red light turned on. The light was not the beginning, for there are no beginnings and endings to the Wheel of Lime. But it was a beginning.

"Welcome to the television show 'Carrot Patch 71,' found weekly here on KLMON, Channel 69. I am your host, Space Pirate Dark Warrior, along with Radhaz, our studio engineer, and designated victim Justice 'Dead Meat' Arcain, who's soon to be in hot water with management. Literally.

"But we'll get into those details later, because with us today is Arrowyn Stoneblood, author of such works as 'Everyone Loves Sasami,' 'Sugar and Spice, and Everything Oh So Nice,' 'Mayuka and Sasami's Lesbian Adventure,' and 'Call Me "Little Princess."' If you haven't heard of his creations, you soon will, for they're poised to take the fanfic world by storm. Arrowyn, it's great to have you here on 'Carrot Patch 71,'" Space Pirate Dark Warrior said. SPDW, a tall man with shoulder length black hair and Sephiroth's wardrobe (and the death threats from Sephiroth to match), was the only known minion of Arrowyn to be a successful talk show host, when he was not out earning the "pirate" part of his moniker. He was sitting in a plush chair, and to his right was a nondescript "man." Occasionally, the man's image flickered, as a bad hologram's image might.

"Thank you, Space Pirate Dark Warrior. Mind if I call you 'Dark?'" Arrowyn smiled graciously at the camera.

"Just as long as you don't call me late to dinner," the host joked with his employer.

"Keep cracking jokes like those and you will _be_ dinner."

Space Pirate Dark Warrior cleared his throat. "And thank you for filling in at last minute for Oscar, who had to cancel. Now, Arrowyn, what can you tell the studio audience about yourself?"

"Not much that they don't already know, Dark. But for those who don't know me, I am a writer of no small skill who specializes in erotic literature, as well as an entrepreneur..."

Elsewhere in the Internet realm...

"Hey, Seion, whatcha watching?" Masami asked as he entered ship-War-Ouki's television lounge.

"Some lemon writer on 'Carrot Patch 71.'"

"On KLMON? Looking for more targets, are we?"

"Nah, just flipping channels. But now that you mention it..."

"Hey, isn't that MAYHEM's Arrowyn?"

"I'm not sure."

Both men stared at the screen, watching and waiting.

Meanwhile, the scourge of space and Arrowyn continued their discussion.

"Will there be any movie versions of your works?" the Dark One asked, fulfilling his duties as conscripted host.

"I am presently...negotiating with...agents to...secure Ayeka and Sasami for an 'original screenplay.'"

"What other projects are in the works, Arrowyn?"

"With the success of the 'Lemon World: Sailor Moon' before the, er, recent casting problems, we have begun recording 'Lemon World: Ayeka Fan Club.' I believe that two episodes of that have been released so far, with more on the way."

"Let's see, you've also opened a new amusement park for anime fans. Care to tell us about it?"

What I'd give to be out raiding right now, Space Pirate Dark Warrior thought to himself.

"I have acquired the property of Atomic Anime Kingdom and have converted it into an otaku's dream. We presently have lands and rides devoted to Dragonball, DBZ, DBGT, Tenchi Muyo, Sailor Moon, Pokemon, and Neon Genesis Evangelion, with 'negotiations' in the works for Magic Knight Rayearth, Gundam Wing, Magical Girl Pretty Sammy, and Lupin III.

"We welcome all otaku, from all lands. Come early, be loud, stay late. And bring money. Lots of it. Or better yet, apply for your 'Arrowyn Express' credit card. After all, I have to pay for my 'entertainment' empire somehow."

"And, with that, let's open up the phone lines. Call us at 69-KLMON. Achariyth, from AOL, you're up."

"Mr. Arrowyn, what do you think of K'thardin's recent review of your latest work, 'Everyone Loves Sasami'? Rumor has it he was ranting so hard that he started foaming at the mouth."

Space Pirate Dark Warrior suppressed the urge to say, "Argh, matey, ye be sailin' into treacherous waters."

"K'thardin and I have had a long and adversarial history, but we've recently worked things out between us. Oh, and K'thardin, if you are listening, say 'Hello' to Nav for me." The hologram shrouded dragon chuckled malevolently.

On the War-Ouki, someone was not laughing. "Marvelboy, go get everyone. Especially K'thardin," Seion commanded.

"Major Kawaiikune, from Pixelscapes, you're on 'Carrot Patch 71,'" Dark Warrior continued.

"o/ 'Hate is very very bad, we should love instead... Open your heart to the yummy light...' o/" a magical girl's voice sang.

"Does this call have a point?" The Dark Warrior asked, wondering why a virtuous magical girl (somehow, all magical girls are virtuous, even the hentai ones) would be watching "Carrot Patch 71."

"No."

Arrowyn smiled. "Tell me, Miss Kawaiikune, have you ever considered a career in, shall we say, candid photography?" The disguised dragon wink-winked and nudge-nudged his pirate mate (The nautical term. Gee, people have sick minds.)

Major Kawaiikune sputtered. "Why, you evil evil bad-"

The Dark Warrior hissed into his headset mike. "Radhaz, push the button."

Lo, the button was pushed.

"o/ 'Time to hang up... on you!' o/"

As the last notes of the jingle faded, Space Pirate Dark Warrior said, "Sorry about that, Miss Kawaiikune. Do us a favor and don't call back. Ever.

"You know, Arrowyn, you aren't paying me enough to sit through calls like this."

"Does this sound familiar? 'Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.'?"

"Yes, that's in Richard Powell's part, wasn't it?"

Arrown glared at the talk show host. "Radhaz, bring me some ketchup."

The space pirate gulped nervously. There was no way he could defeat Arrowyn if it came down to a fight. As his face blanched, he wisely dropped the subject of pay. "Let's go out to our remote where Justice Arcain, a frequent guest and friend of the show, is about to do his best Maine lobster impression."

The screen cut to a shot of a boiling cauldron filled with churning primordial ooze. The camera zoomed out, revealing that a rope was slowly lowering a gagged and bound Justice Arcain into the cauldron. The word "Happy" was spraypainted on the ropes used to turn the now helpless henchman into a squirming mummy. This was done because someone had once dared Arrowyn to drop anything named "Happy" into boiling water. Or, in this case, boiling LCL.

"Justice, have you any last comments on the whereabouts of Kitz or any of the missing stars of Lemon World: Sailor Moon?"

The lackey shook his head frantically.

"As you already know, the cast of Lemon World: Sailor Moon suddenly vanished, just as the show was about to answer the question on everyone's mind...

"Would Kitz choose Nathan or Brazil?

"Personally, I would have chosen Brazil if I were her, but now we'll never know, because _someone_ let the cast escape, er, leave before their contracts were up because he was too busy trying to buy oceanfront property in Arizona.

"I know I speak for all the fans of 'Lemon World: Sailor Moon' when I say, 'Thanks a lot, and don't forget to hold your breath as you go under.'"

Justice Arcain's eyes widened as the rope went slack, sending him into a free fall...

The scene cut back to the studios.

"Don't worry, soccer moms. It's just a publicity stunt. Besides, our hospitals are the best in the Internet. Justice will be sure to get personal

'one-on-one' treatment from one of our lovely nurses, the lucky slob. You'll soon see our favorite guest back here on 'Carrot Patch 71' none the worse for the wear," Dark Warrior said.

"Only because we'd be short-handed otherwise," the pirate muttered. His placid face masked his anxiety. One wrong move around Arrowyn...

"Can we take some more calls, Dark?" Arrowyn suggested.

"Okay, our next caller is Tokimi, from Somewhere Your Mortal Minds Cannot Perceive. What's your question for our guest?"

"Yes, I'm working on a story of my own, and I seem to have run into a problem with the plot. I was wondering if you could help me?"

Arrowyn clapped his hands together in glee. "Some of my best work has come from collaborations. What do you have so far?"

"It's a Tenchi story where a third royal sister comes to visit and tries to take her sisters away with her. So far, the new sister is on her way to Earth, and that's about as much as I've written."

Arrowyn closed his eyes and held his hands over his temples in thought. "Have you thought of adding a lemon scene with Sasami?"

"But Tsun-, Sasami's her sister!" Tokimi protested.

"It's quite the rage in Tenchi circles."

"In more ways than one," Dark Warrior, Scourge of Space, Nightmare of the Galaxy Police, and Employee of Arrowyn (a.k.a. the Dragon's Slave), cut in. "Thanks for calling. Kat, from Hotmail, you're on 'Carrot Patch 71.'"

The calls quickly degenerated into pleas from various authors on how to improve their various fics or story ideas. Arrowyn patiently answered, usually offering ideas for various Sasami lemon scenarios. Some of these were so vile, that Space Pirate Dark Warrior, who was more interested in the "pillage" aspect of pirating than the "rape," often was visibly nauseous. Fortunately, all things, good and bad, must come to an end.

"And that's it for our calls," SPDW said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"I have a question for Arrowyn," a familiar masculine superhero's voice said.

Dark Warrior looked inquisitively at Radhaz, who was frantically signaling that this caller was not coming through the switchboard. "Go ahead," the pirate replied nervously. He glanced at Arrowyn, hoping that their upcoming lunch meeting would not turn into a feeding frenzy.

For those who were watching at home, the screen split in half. On the left side, it showed Arrowyn and the Dark One, while on the right, K'thardin and Marvelboy brightened the small screen.

"How are you doing this?" "Carrot Patch 71's" host demanded as he glanced into his video monitor.

"It's amazing what you can find at Ansible Shack for twenty credits," Marvelboy smiled mirthlessly

"Want do you want?" Arrowyn asked.

"We have a little problem with your writing, Son of a Window Dresser."

"Now, Marvelboy, don't taunt happy fun supervillian scum." K'thardin paused dramatically. "That's my job.

"Just so you know, 'Arrowyn,' I have talked with Nav lately. He's recovering nicely, no thanks to your goon squad. Now, I don't want to go into a rant here about what you did to him, so I won't." K'thardin grinned evilly. "Besides, actions speak louder than words."

Arrowyn yawned derisively. "Get to the point."

The screen split again, revealing a steamy censored scene with Sasami, Mihoshi, and Kiyone situated below the two parties in an inverted triangle.

"Recognize this scene, Short, Squat, and Scaly?"

"It looks like 'Everyone Loves Sasami.'"

"Yes, but will you be able to recognize it six seconds from now?"

"Wha-?"

K'thardin held up a radio detonator. "'Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth...'" He paused as his features hardened. "Your lemon for my friend."

His thumb mashed the detonator switch.

To Arrowyn's horror, the lemon world he had created based upon his fic vaporized via firestorm before his eyes. Only static remained in the viewscreen that once contained "Everyone Loves Sasami."

"See you at the encore," the Deneign Priest snarled.

K'thardin's side of the screen faded to black, as did the static on what was "Everyone Loves Sasami."

The Lord of the Bad Lemon howled in rage. Forgetting that his image was being broadcast on the airwaves, he assumed his fully dragon form. To the horror of his crew, Arrowyn revealed himself as a leprous white undead dragon. The set of "Carrot Patch 71" crumbled as the dragon vented flame and rage. CP and Kuma dashed out to calm their master.

Space Pirate Dark Warrior paled as he frantically drew his finger across his throat. "Cut the feed. Cut the feed!" he screamed frantically.

Radhaz gulped nervously, his hand reaching for the kill sw-

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